Magic Of The Willing Dust
by LiveLongAndProsperAlways
Summary: After years of living in New York City with her writer husband, Lily Potter returns to her hometown of Cokeworth, England only to find herself opening up old wounds.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1 **

As midnight approached, Lily Potter sat silently by the fire beside her husband James, who paid no mind to the unease that overcame her. It had been a long week of furnishing and settling in their new home, so finally giving it a rest had seemed appropriate. Yet, in her hand, was a letter that she had come across earlier that day and was reading for the tenth time. It had been written and sent by her mother seven years before.

_September 4, 1958_

_Darling Lilian, _

_You didn't inherit your mother's looks in vain after all! I've always known you'd marry well, my beautiful girl, but nothing prepared me for the day you'd walk down the aisle looking like an absolute angel. James cares for you deeply, it's quite obvious he'll make you happy. Hold in mind what we discussed the other night and you needn't worry for a second longer. All will be well. _

_I've written you tonight to offer you another reason to celebrate. Vernon has proposed to Petunia and she's accepted! Isn't it splendid? Here I was, on the verge of tears that you were leaving us for America, and this happens! I do hope this news brings you as much joy as it's brought me. Now you have a reason to come back, even if only for a short while. You will, won't you? Oh, your father is giving me that aggravated look of his, so I must leave you now. I hope to see you soon. Kisses! _

_-Your Doting Mother _

Lily bit her bottom lip as she finished the letter, placing it back in her pocket. She glanced up at James who sat at his typewriter, unaware and sighing softly. She remembered feeling unhappy after reading the letter, although not completely knowing why. Definitely not a feeling a newlywed, as she had been, should have underwent. She was happy for Petunia, she was. The difference had been that Petunia was ready to be married to Vernon. The smile never left her face on the day of her wedding, not even the presence of her "freakish" sister could tarnish the happiest day of her life. She was marrying her best friend, albeit he was a bit nasty and terribly unlikeable, she loved him, and he was good to her.

James too was good to Lily. She knew him for all her years at Hogwarts and dated him for two. She knew him as the immature boy who had a supposed great love for her and did not, for one second, let her forget it... or the world. But she also knew him as the bully who had no issue mocking students who did not match his own values or worse, assets. Among those, unfortunately, was her once close friend Severus Snape, who obviously possessed neither. She'd reassure Severus on several occasions that she would never end up with someone like James Potter. Not in a million years. But there she was, in the living room of their large home, feeling silly at the thought of it.

But she did love James, besides the occasional arrogant attitude, he really was a good man. He fiercely loved his friends and helping Sirius and Remus get back on their feet was the kind of sacrifice he'd make without hesitation. He outgrew his bullying past and came to be the responsible person he was now, working hard to be a respectable man for her. To her surprise, he possessed a secret knack for writing she hadn't realized he had until after a year together. One of his better surprises was becoming a best-selling fiction, or as she quips, non-fiction novelist. Mostly adventurous books about magic and such, largely popular with the muggle population.

She stood up, excused herself of him, and headed upstairs to go to bed. As if waiting for her throughout, he removed his glasses and shut his typewriter for the night. Suspecting his intentions, she had hoped he would sense her mood and assume she was too tired for anything other than sleep. Not long after entering their bedroom, she was soon interrupted by two arms wrapping around her waist and spinning her around.

"You seem distant, Love." James smiled, as she faced him. "I'll be done before next fall and we'll be back home before you know it. I promise."

She looked away and shook her head. "I don't want to rush you, James. Take all the time you need."

"Thank you." He tapped the tip of her nose with his finger affectionately. "Now, how long must I wait to make love to my wife in our new house, on our new bed?"

Before she had time to reply, he kissed her mouth roughly to silence her and his hands rose up her dress. Not feeling very up to it, she returned his affections anyhow.

Noticing her response, his hands flew to the zipper of his trousers, undid them, and pulled them down along with everything else. He then made a trail of wet kisses down on her neck as he pushed her towards their shared bed.

She lay bare next to a snoring James, who slept serenely. She sighed and turned on her side, remembering the first time they had slept together. It had been an unusual experience, a little less romantic and little more desperation on his part. After making him wait for a considerable amount of time, she still hadn't realized how suppressed she had him until that night. She was amused at his graceless hands and his attempt to be soft with her. James had been with many of the girls from school, so he had plenty of experience, but with her, you'd never have guessed. Lily was a virgin with none, and she lost her virginity to him on the night of their wedding. When they were finished, she had felt a heavy burden had come to pass. She was a bit content she had that done and out of the way.

In her fourth year at Hogwarts, she overheard several upper-year girls in the baths talking about `coupling', as she had childishly called it before. The silly teenage language she religiously lived by proved just how severe her immaturity was at the time. She only dipped her feet in the warm water of the tub as to avoid awareness of her presence. Acknowledging her eavesdropping anyway, the girls whispered and turned toward her innocent self.

"Oi Evans! Any experience there?" Asked one of the girls. Lily had blushed brightly and shook her head at the sudden question.

The leader, Lily assumed, of the group had approached her with only a small towel to cover her voluptuous figure. She had golden waves of blonde hair and full red lips that curved into the perfect smirk. Lily had seen her in the halls many times before, usually in the presence of smitten boys.

"Well, I must enlighten you." She smiled at Lily's flushed expression. "It's the most splendid thing you'll ever experience. Like a dream, really."

Uncomfortably, Lily held her bathrobe tighter. "Right." Was all she said.

"I won't lie to you, Evans. I've been around a little bit." She leaned in and lowered her voice. "And so far, I've come to find, Slytherin boys are the best."

Another of her friends chimed in. "They're resourceful, alright!" The echoes of laughter filled the humid chambers. Although Lily had recently settled in, she swung her feet out of the water and gathered her shower caddy.

"Well, ladies, I'm all done now. I should take my leave. Bye!" She bolted as quickly as possible and didn't look back.

—

Safe to say she wasn't able to look Severus in the eye for a complete four weeks after that, much to his outright confusion. She laughed at herself and buried her face in her pillow, half-groaning in mortification.

Being only fifteen at the time, she hadn't realized the girls teased her until much later. She went on to spend her time fantasizing about it constantly, many thanks to them and, of course, puberty. Thinking back, they must have had a pretty good laugh at her expense.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

It was a good morning.

Lily crept out of bed, went downstairs to receive the mail from the owl, and brewed their morning coffee. When she was done, she dressed as quietly as she could. James needed his rest to meet his strict deadlines and the last thing on her mind was to bother him and put him in a sour mood.

"Now, where is it you're going this early in the morning?" He groaned as he sat up, scratching the back of his head. His eyes drooped lazily as he spoke to her.

She sighed as she zipped up her dress. "I want to go to town. We need groceries and potions in this house." She said, hoping he'd let it go and go back to sleep. "Maybe see my mother for a bit."

"Darling, I said we'd go together later this afternoon. Come back to bed, your mother can wait." He said, patting the empty space next to him.

"You don't have to worry about me, James. Surely, I can go to town alone. Until those chapters are finished, you'll never leave the house." She stated. "Anyway, I am much too jumpy now to sleep."

He released a long sigh of uncertainty before nodding his head. "Will you be fine? You don't want me to come with you?" he asked her.

"No." She interrupted as she reached for her coat. "Thank you, but you should get some rest. Lack of sleep won't do your creativity any favors."

"Do what you want then, Lily." He reached over on the nightstand where his wand lay and clutched the keys. "Take the car if you're going into London then." He tossed them towards her and winked. "Don't scratch it."

She rolled her eyes and gave a short laugh. "I'm a far more accomplished driver than you are, James. We both know it."

"Cheeky, are we?" He grinned, as he pressed the pillow over his head. "Anyway, drive safe."

With that, Lily made her way downstairs and slipped her wand in her handbag.

She sighed in relief as she closed the door behind her. Scowling at the sky, she walked down the steps and wrapped her scarf around her neck for warmth.

Alas, August was near its end and the wind grew chilly. She thought of New York and how it didn't feel as cold and quiet there. The mere thought of home formed a knot in her throat. So many friendships she had struggled to form these past few years had to be cut short. All because of James and his new novel and the desire for him to return to this dead town. Hopefully he'd find his inspiration bloody quick and finish the book as soon as possible. In the meantime, she would keep busy and try to make the best of it.

But Cokeworth was Cokeworth. Where the winters were bitter, and the townspeople never changed. It's why her mother just about ran for London, though not too far, it'd been far enough. She'd been terribly lonely for a long time since their father died and Lily hurt for her. Even her mother didn't deserve the agony her father's sudden passing befell them.

* * *

After an hour of walking around Diagon Alley, and a few brief stops to chat to old acquaintances, she had her hands full and contemplated going home. The same shops still stood exactly as she remembered and there was only so much to do. As she reached the dark intersection of Knockturn Alley, she thought twice about entering. Although James had forbidden her from going anywhere near it, Knockturn Alley had quite interesting shops despite its reputation.

As she made her way in, busy wizards and witches bustled rudely through the paths, paying no mind as they rammed into her. The atmosphere was drastically different, less friendly to say the least. She struggled to see where the crowd led her, and she slipped into the first establishment she came across.

As she caught her breath and patted down her dress, she looked around the tiny shop. It appeared like an old bookstore; one she would not have normally noticed if it hadn't been for the wooden open sign near the door.

She crept in deeper and noticed no more than a couple of customers, understandingly of course. The place was dark and rundown. She looked in awe at the potions and ingredients on shelves that reached twice her height. Pickled creatures placed neatly on the highest shelf was the closest thing to decor. Odd choice.

Despite the wide variety of potions prepared, curiosity took the better of her. She hadn't pursued potion brewing since her school days and practicing seemed fair. Lily entered an aisle of books and scanned at a few. Her eyes opened in amazement as she flipped through the flimsy pages of an old textbook. The recipes were endless and seemed like an ideal way to pass the time.

"Excuse me ma'am, could I be of any help?" said a voice behind her. She hadn't heard anyone approach her and she gasped loudly by the sudden question, almost dropping her bags on the floor.

"I'm so sorry, you frightened me." she said, flustered. "You're quite light on your feet."

She immediately recognized the man that stood before her.

"Lily?" He began as he got closer, recognizing her as well. The once mischievous Sirius Black stood before her with a look that most certainly resembled hers. "Merlins! It's been so long!"

The day they packed their bags was the last time they saw Sirius in the flesh. He had secured a position at the ministry, handing out gold slips and such. Unfortunately, the Order's missions were scarce and didn't produce a weekly wage, so a job was a necessity when they moved away. Yet, here he stood in a bookshop with an apron around his waist and a name tag attached to his chest. She studied his face a tad longer and took in the change in his appearance. His shaggy raven locks were gone, sporting a shorter cut. Though his facial features were no longer as she remembered either, his boyish face had dissolved into a handsome, mature mien.

"Yes, it really has." She said, smiling shyly as he pulled her in an embrace.

He grinned in return as he pulled her back. "You look wonderful."

"Thank you." She replied. "As do you."

"Oh, you humor me." He said looking around, obviously for his good old friend. "Out on the streets alone, eh?"

"James isn't with me. I would've told him to accompany me if I knew I'd run into you." Lily smiled apologetically.

"When did the two of you arrive? I know I haven't been writing. It's been a bit of an occupying time for me these days." He said quickly. "Truly sorry."

"Don't concern yourself over that. "She said, waving him off. "We've just arrived days ago, and James wanted it a surprise."

"Well, that's gone to shite now then." He laughed. "Cause I'm telling everyone. I'm all but writing the letter to Remus in my head right at this moment."

She smiled amusingly. "Make sure to mention how much I miss him, will you?"

He bobbed his head as if in deep thought. "There, you're welcome."

She raised an eyebrow. "Now, be honest, what finds you in Knockturn Alley? What happened to the Ministry?"

He scratched the side of his head. "That's one bloody long story. Quite morbid too."

"I see."

He interrupted her before she said another word. "Enough about me though. How's the married life with the Marauder going for you? Is he treating you alright? Or do I've got some beatin' to do?"

"Good, I suppose." Lily said, not wanting to get in conversation about her marriage.

"That's good to hear. After all this time, still in full swing."

Lily nodded with a faint smile. "Seven years."

"Bloody long time..." He said.

"James missed you much." She chimed, as their words grew fewer. "You can come over sometime. That's if you'd like of course."

"Of course!" Sirius said quickly. "I was afraid I would've had to drop in unexpectedly."

Lily felt relieved. The idea of company at the new house pleased her but his grin soon faded. "Where do you live?" He asked.

"Oh, that's right, the address." She placed her shopping bags on the ground and summoned a quill and a piece of parchment. As they fell into her hands, she neatly wrote the address for him.

"Thank you." He said, as Lily handed him the paper. "He's a busy bloke, isn't he? Wouldn't I be intruding?"

"I promise, I know he wouldn't mind. It's you." She reassured him, making him smile in relief. He folded the paper and tucked it in his trousers.

"Lily." He lowered his voice suddenly, any trace of humor now vanished. "How are you? Are you eating well?"

A knot caught in her throat.

She sighed. "Of course, Sirius, it's been almost two years."

"The last thing I'd ever want to do is overstep, Lily, but James..." He grabbed her hand. "Well he said you weren't doing so well after your father's funeral and believe me; Remus and I were worried like mad."

She looked down and nodded. "Thank you to the both of you for thinking about me, but I'm doing fine, I assure you."

His face lit up once more. "Good to hear."

They both soon jumped when a thundering voice sounded from a room at end of the shop.

"Black! Return to your job this instant! Did I not make it clear a week ago to stop conversing with every woman in here about everything but business!" The man snapped. "There has been a customer waiting for over fifteen minutes at the counter." The figure stopped as he took notice of Lily's presence.

"Severus." Lily spoke first. He looked at her apathetically, but he didn't reply.

Sirius intervened almost instantly. "I'll be at the counter if anyone needs me." He said, taking a few steps back and avoiding Severus' penetrating glare. "And Lily, I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Sure." She replied. "I'll let James know."

She turned back in Severus' direction, who looked irritated by the mere mention of her husband's name.

She cleared her throat as she shifted uncomfortably. "How are you?"

"I'm fine." He replied dully.

"Well, good." she smiled again. "You look well."

He nodded curtly as indication to leave. "I should go, I have several matters in need of my attention." He turned sharply on his heel and walked away from her.

Lily sighed and bit her lip. "Severus."

He stopped in a half-turned manner.

"Look I..." She took a deep breath before continuing. "I know we didn't leave on good terms the last time we spoke. But it's safe to say it's all in the past now, right?" She extended her hand, hoping he'd take it in the name of peace. He didn't.

"Like I stated, I mustn't linger. So, if you require any sort of assistance, Black is right over there to aid you." He said, almost sternly.

Lily only nodded disappointedly and bid him farewell. "It was good to see you, Severus." She called out to him, but he disappeared into a tiny room in the back.

She continued to browse the shelves once more, every now and then glancing at the door. Was he planning to come out of there and apologize for his impudent behavior? She scoffed and seized a couple of random potion books. She slammed them on the counter, her eyes still hooked on the door.

"Lily." She blinked at the sound of her name and turned towards Sirius.

"Yes?"

"I asked if that was all." He said.

"Oh. Yes, it is." She replied sheepishly. Sirius stacked the books and scribbled into a small notebook in his hand.

He slid the notebook to the side and placed her books in a brown bag, sealing it with a spell. She smiled and placed ten shiny galleons on the counter. "Goodbye, Sirius. We'll be looking forward to seeing you."

"As am I." Sirius called back as she stepped out of the shop.

* * *

On the drive home, she thought of Severus. Did he still hate her like before? Should it even concern her? And why did it anyway? She shook him off when she reached her front porch.

Entering the house, she aimed for the kitchen to look over recipes. She set them on the table to admire them from a distance. There was many she had done before and many she hadn't. Calming draught, Bruise-Healing Paste, and of course, Anti-Migraine Potion. Which would come in handy in future situations.

"Where have you been?" James said, as he set foot in the kitchen. "I thought you were only buying groceries. See your mother perhaps?"

"Yes well, you see I drove there. Being that you chose the most isolated home in the country, nothing's nearby." Lily replied, reaching for a book. "As for my mother, I'll see her next week."

"If we're so far, did you think maybe you could have used, I don't know, Floo powder?"

She put her hands on her hips. "And who's chimney would you like me to end up in?"

He kept his eyes on her for a long second until he spoke again. "Books?"

"Yes, I stopped at a bookshop on my way back, that's all." She did not meet his eye when she spoke. Her eyes were fixated on one of the pages, searching for that migraine recipe. "Quite curious this morning?"

"I am your husband and I have the right to know of your whereabouts, you were gone far too long." He grabbed the books from the table as his eyes scanned the covers. "Potions? There was no need for these, Lily. They sell ready potions down in Diagon Alley, which I'm assuming you went to."

"Of course, I knew that, James. Now return them to me." Lily said, stretching her arms out to grab a hold of them as he flipped the pages roughly.

"Did you not get enough of potion brewing in school?" He said getting the books far within her reach. "My, these are a bit dodgy, aren't they? What do you need Veritaserum for?"

She crossed her arms. "I assure you, James, I have no interest in potions of that sort."

James sighed. "Did you go to Knockturn Alley after I clearly asked you not to?"

"Demanded more like."

"Just tell me. Did you or did you not?"

She pursed her lips. "I did and I remain in one piece, don't I?"

He pinched the bridge of his nose and tossed both books in the fireplace. Lily pulled out her wand immediately in hopes of saving them from being engulfed in the flames. She placed her wand back in her pocket when convinced it was too late. "Are you mad? Those were 5 galleons each, James." she said loudly.

"Money not well spent I might add." He muttered.

Lily scoffed and shook her head, leaving him for their bedroom. Seeing that he had followed her, she made sure to slam the door particularly hard on that pretty face of his.

"Colloportus." she whispered as she pointed her wand at the door, locking it in a charm.

* * *

An hour later, when her charm weakened and she hadn't bothered to replenish it, she sat at the edge of the bed as James came in.

"Have you finished sulking?" He began. She answered his question with a quick shrug.

"Something could have happened to you, I was upset." He neared to sit himself beside her and took her hand in his. "Please forgive me, Love."

She took back her hand and placed it in her lap. "I can take care of myself, James. Burning them like that was merely excessive."

He stood and spoke over his shoulder. "I'll wait for you downstairs. Lunch is ready and I'd like for you to join me." Though she had no intention of joining him or even go downstairs at all, she was essentially famished.

Nonchalantly, she walked into the dining room and sat across him at the table. Lily stroked the utensils as they waited to be served, not wanting to meet his eyes.

James sighed heavily at her silence. "You were horrible at brewing, remember? You'll only hurt yourself."

Yes, she was dreadful at potion brewing. If it hadn't been for Severus and his life-saving ability to manipulate the instructions, she wouldn't have achieved the high marks she did. And though it may have been her weakest subject, it didn't magically grant James the bloody right to control her.

"I know the precautions well enough. Excuse me if I don't take kind to your bloody patronizing."

"Fine, I was wrong, I'm sorry." He made a small gesture to the house elf and she sprung the dishes on the table. "Now, let us enjoy a decent meal and forget about this whole situation." He said, as he dug in. "And if it means so much to you, we'll go to Knockturn Alley together."

"Thanks." She muttered, reaching for a spoon. "Having said that, I happened across Sirius there today. Oddly enough."

James looked up at her with confusion. "Sirius?"

"Yes, I met him there unexpectedly and I invited him over." She began. "He wanted to see you tomorrow, so I gave him our address."

"And you're informing me of this now?" He lit up brightly over Sirius.

"Well, you mustn't blame me for forgetting." Lily snapped. "I had other things on my mind."

"We shall have something special." James requested to the elf again. Agnes, the small elf that James had brought along with them only responded obligingly in her heavy American accent.

When Lily was done, she stood up from her seat and thanked her. "It is Agnes' pleasure, Mrs. Potter." She chirped.

* * *

When night came, Lily went to bed and her thoughts went back to Severus. She had not seen him since school or spoken to him since the deteriorating of their friendship. Over the years, few things triggered her memory of him and the bond they once shared as children. She made it a custom not to dwell on him for too long as he had chosen his path and she hers. But seeing him, this time she couldn't help but reminisce on their past.

Although he was sorted into Slytherin and she in Gryffindor, they managed to make it work. None of their peers or professors suspected they'd last a year at Hogwarts. Houses as competitive as theirs would inevitably dissolve friendships, no matter how strong they claimed to be. But _they_ lasted. Five years in fact.

They would sit under the weeping willows that perched far off the castle; perfect for silence. And there, they'd talk about books, potions, and of course magic.

He had confided in her, although hesitantly, about the horrid father that awaited him at home. Of course, of Eileen, whom Lily met several times by chance during their summers.

They'd talk mostly of books. He loved books as much as he did potions and there hadn't been a time where he wasn't holding one. The ones he read were as thick as the trees they were sired from, making it difficult for her to believe he even read them completely through.

"I'm curious, Severus. Why is it you start books like those without finishing them?" She had asked him one morning. His nose was buried in what seemed like a hundred-year-old book and it was a different one from the week before.

"What are you going on about? I do finish them." He said his gaze not leaving the book.

"A hefty book like that? That seems highly unlikely." She approached him from behind and rested her chin on his shoulder. "My, you'll need a magnifying charm for that text."

He tensed at her closeness and shrugged her off.

She smirked, reaching out to tuck his hair behind his ear. "You really aren't like most thirteen-year old's, are you? No offense."

"None taken. Not the first time I've been told." He said swapping her hand away. "You're one to talk though. You aren't so normal yourself, Miss Evans."

"That isn't news to me either." She said smartly. For a moment, they smiled widely at one another before breaking into laughter.

* * *

At one point in her life, and as much as she hated to admit it now, he'd been everything to her. Her guide, anchor, and best friend. Of course, any form of threat against him, she'd resist unconditionally.

Though he didn't make it easy. Simply for another hour of study at the library, he'd skip meals constantly, hindering his already scrawny frame. His school robes were unkept and his shoes were too big. Unfortunately for him, and in effect her, it made him quite a target for ridicule.

He looked well now, yet he hadn't changed in the slightest. There was something comforting and familiar in the way he dressed and the way he kept his hair long. In the past, she imagined threading her fingers through it countless times but knew he'd have scolded her just for the thought of such a suggestion.

Her thoughts were quickly interrupted when James entered the bedroom and threw himself on the bed next to her. When his snoring started, she sighed and shifted towards her side.

The primary reason she hated James for most of her teenage years was his mistreatment of Severus. Albeit Severus never hesitated to defend himself in the most brutal of ways, it was always unfair in the way it was four against one. It was a constant occurrence for her to defend him from the antics of the Marauders, as they'd only settle down with her intervention.

But of course, the last year she defended him she'd never forget.

* * *

It was her fifth year. She'd been assisting a first year to a class she could not find just as she noticed a large group of students surrounding something or someone. Being the prefect that she was, she made her way over to find the cause of the disturbance. As she got closer, she recognized him immediately and gasped at the sight.

It was Severus. He was flipped upside down, dangling by one of his legs and his trousers were slid down to his ankles.

The Marauders, she thought. The giggling of the onlookers only increased her fury, as she made her way through the crowd.

"You stop this now, James Potter!" She hissed. She glanced at Severus who completely humiliated, avoided her eyes.

"Why should I? Snivellus started it." James grinned while his friends and a few in the crowd laughed behind them. "Scrawny bastard nearly hexed me."

"I said stop it!" Lily yelled while James turned to look at Severus.

"You let a girl defend you, Snivvy? That's bloody rich." He snorted. She opened her mouth to protest but Severus spoke first. "I don't... need help from a filthy mudblood like her." he spat the words, cold as ice.

Her heart dropped instantly. Some students gasped behind her and the whispering increased. "Sev...?" Her voice was hoarse. Shaking his head, James wore off the spell while she stood there, feet glued to the damp ground. Severus fell with a hard thud and struggled to return to his feet.

"Prongs! Teachers are coming! We've got to run!" Remus called to him, as Sirius and Peter followed behind.

As Severus recovered his balance, he adjusted his trousers in a rush and approached her. "Lily..." He began, reaching for her. She shot him a pained look while tears ran down her cheeks. "I never want to see you again." She whispered solemnly before running towards the castle.

It couldn't be true. Just yesterday, they were laughing over potion brewing and plans for the summer. Now, she was recovering from the shock of his betrayal. She should have seen this coming; he'd been implying it all year with his acquaintances. Why had she been so oblivious?

Once in her dormitory, she lay in her bed and wept. Mary Macdonald, a quirky girl she befriended earlier that year, kept her company that entire night. Although Mary meant well, she who strived to be a healer someday, ought to have worked on her bedside manner.

"It was only a matter of time." She began. "And do not forget, he _is_ a Slytherin boy after all. Nothing but a bunch of selfish toe rags!"

Lily shook her head disapprovingly. "No Mary, Severus is...different."

Mary sighed heavily. "Maybe at some point of your friendship he was, Lily, but not now. Slytherins can be quite persuasive, once you're sorted, your fate is pretty much sealed." Lily sniffed and rested her head on her lap.

* * *

A while later, she curled under her covers, the incident overplaying in her head. She closed her eyes and decided only sleep would ease her, even if only for a little while. That idea was soon tarnished when Mary withdrew the blankets from her, and she shivered from the sudden temperature change.

"Lily, wake up! That bloody bastard is outside our common room. I told him you would rather shag Potter than to see him." Mary stormed. "But he's says he's staying put!"

Lily sat up immediately. "You did what?!" she exclaimed.

"He says he'd sleep there all night if he's got to!" Mary continued, ignoring her.

She sighed as she threw on her slippers. "Fine then. I'll talk to him."

Lily wrapped her robe around herself and stepped out of the common room. There he was, sitting against the wall, tormented eyes looking down at his knees. His hair and uniform completely soaked through and she bit her lip from questioning it. Normally, she'd demand him out of those clothes in a heartbeat but at that moment it hadn't mattered to her.

She spoke in the coldest voice she could muster. "What is it you want, Severus?"

His head snapped up in her direction and he stood quickly. "I've come to apologize to you." He answered. "Sorry."

"I don't want to hear it."

"I'm sorry!" He said louder, evident fear in his voice. "I didn't mean to-"

"— to call me Mudblood? But you call every one of my birth Mudblood, Severus." She took a deep breath and asked him, "Why should I be any different?"

He remained silent and that was it. "I know what your new friends think about me." She said bitterly. "Degrading those of my blood and -"

His eyes widened in alarm. "Yes, It's true. But I don't agree with them, Lily! I never have!"

"That is precisely what I thought these couple of years and why I didn't worry. But you bloody well proved me wrong." She said as she walked away from him.

He reached out and grasped her wrist. "...Wait."

"No." She snapped. "This supposed friendship that I've been holding on to has been a burden to you for a long time now. Well, you know what? I release you. We're fucking done."

"Please, you wouldn't do this."

"Watch me!" She turned her back on him and entered the common room without a second glance.

* * *

Since that night, everything changed. Severus never looked for her again and spoke to her only for class assignments, which were usually forced by their professors. He didn't appear too affected at the sudden end of their friendship either, as his associations with the Slytherins only strengthened. She'd see him conversing and laughing with Regulus Black in the halls as if nothing had changed for him.

But even despite his apathy and her anger, she never went to bed with dry eyes those first few months. Sure, she was surrounded by countless well-meaning friends, but it was never the same. Their bond was like no other, the kind of friendship you rarely experience twice in life. Clearly, she concluded, it had been one sided all along.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3:**

James grunted and turned on his back, his mouth falling open. He hadn't woken when she reached for her wand and with a light swish, activated a silencing charm. She smiled as she curled back comfortably next to him.

How did she find herself married to James Potter; you might ask? That she remembered well.

At the time, her heartbreak had remained at its peak and she'd been so angry at Severus. Angry at his choices, his behavior the following months, and she'd needed some way, _anyway_, to ventilate.

* * *

She was running late for breakfast at the Great Hall after checking in on a couple of students in the medical wing. James and his ridiculous friends, not including Remus though just as guilty, thought it'd be a gag to mess with first year Slytherins.

As she entered, heads turned in her direction. Lily, involuntarily, had become something of a celebrity at school. James was highly liked and admired and it was hard to believe Lily Evans, an ordinary girl from Cokeworth, had caught his attention. It resulted in several girls shunning her as she never gave him the time of day either. In a desperate attempt to have her life back, she avoided James as much as she could although he didn't make it so easy.

She shrugged off their stares and walked toward her fellow classmates. She cursed under her breath as the remaining vacant seats were across the Marauders. James had his arm draped around a brightly blushing Helena Binns, whispering things in her ear that only reddened her further. He really never learned.

As Lily sat down, she scanned the next table catching a quick glimpse of Severus sitting between Mulciber and Avery. Mulciber seemed to be babbling about Merlin knows what, too absorbed in himself to notice that Severus's thoughts were elsewhere. Without notice, as if Severus sensed her gaze, he looked up and met her eyes. She stared back briefly before turning away as casually as she could. She hadn't wanted to give him the impression that she cared even for a moment, yet here she was getting caught gawking.

"Evans!" The sudden interruption of her thoughts made her flinch in her seat. The irritating voice of James Potter was heard as he finally took notice of her presence. "What in Merlin's name has been keeping you so long? I missed you so."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Save it. Your bloody theatrics have me running all over the castle."

"Forgive me, Evans." He grinned. "I'll grant you my undivided attention this evening, how's that sound?" Pettigrew snickered at his comment.

Lily ignored them as she poured herself a glass of pumpkin juice. Sirius, who'd been sitting next to James and stuffing himself with apple pie, elbowed him beneath the table. So much for discretion.

"We're all heading to the Three Broomsticks later, care to join us?" James asked her.

Unsurprisingly, no one at the table bothered to wonder or wait for her answer. It was such a common thing for James to ask her out and everyone knew how she'd reply. Lily, of course, had grown accustomed to his proposals and refusing was almost involuntary.

"Sure, what time?" She said instead. Jaws dropped near the table upon hearing her and among them, a dumbstruck James. He fixed his composure and cleared his throat. "I suppose..a bit after six."

"Six it is then." She said neutrally. "I trust you won't keep me waiting long."

He cleared his throat a second time. "I'm a busy man, I wouldn't want to guarantee anything, but I'll try my best."

She glanced up to see Severus excusing himself from his peers, though no one paid any mind to his hasty exit as they continued on with their chatter. She bit her lip as she watched him disappear into the corridor, almost regretting it all. When she turned back, Sirius patted James on the back and tossed a delighted thumbs up in her direction.

Oh God. Had she just agreed to a date with James Potter?

* * *

Back in their dorms, Mary thread through Lily's hair with a soft brush. "I honestly thought you wouldn't go through with it." She said suddenly.

Lily shrugged. "I really wasn't, Mary. But then I decided I'd do it for me, you know? I've been much too busy with prefect duties; I can't remember the last time I had a Butterbeer. Can you blame me?"

"No, of course. I simply meant you still had feelings for Snape is all, but I see he's long forgotten now." She continued casually.

"Feelings?" Lily whirled around to look at her friend in aghast. "I am not in _love_ with Severus, Mary."

"Obviously not anymore." She assured her.

"No, not ever!" Lily exclaimed. "Please tell me that isn't what you're thinking!"

Mary took Lily's face between her hands and gave her a sorrowful, yet amusing stare. "My dear, dear friend."

Lily stood at once. "There's clearly been a misunderstanding here."

Mary simply sighed and nodded in agreement. "Oh, of course. Because that would be impossible, right?"

"Right." Lily clipped on her earrings and shot her a glare before leaving their room.

James leaned at the bottom of the stairs waiting for her. His usual tousled hair facing her as he fidgeted with his watch.

"You look smashing, Evans." He said when he turned and saw her.

She half-smiled. "Thanks."

* * *

She had an unusually good time. A casual date for a butterbeer grew into a pleasant stroll down Hogsmeade. She couldn't believe it, but James actually attempted to be a gentleman. As if his entire arrogant character had all been an act. Maybe it had been and knowing that, it didn't feel so right to use him anymore.

The entire evening was exciting. She laughed a lot; and genuinely. It'd been months since she had such a good time; however, all the sweets may have been to blame. She knew at that moment that James Potter really was a fun guy.

For the rest of the year it went like that. Their dates became frequent, they sat together at breakfast along with his friends, and at times she'd even find herself rooting for him at his quidditch matches. It didn't take much for their friends to catch on at the status of their relationship. Severus, by that time, would have already known and he'd truly think it as a way to spite him.

But he was wrong.

She liked James Potter. More than she'd like to admit.

* * *

Two years into their relationship, her mother nagged her constantly about James. As hard as Lily had tried keeping him from her family, her mother tended to meddle too closely on her affairs and soon, had full knowledge of it. Petunia too was very much like her and Lily truly empathized for the misfortunes of her future children.

During her seventh and final year of Hogwarts, when the last day of school was only a week away, her mother begged Lily to bring James home. She just had to meet this mystery boyfriend of two years and it had been long enough. Her mother insisted it as Petunia had a surprise guest of her own. Most likely another stuck up snob from that uptight school of hers, Lily thought. After her rejection from Hogwarts, Petunia made sure their parents placed her in the priciest private school in London. Even though it caused their father a major financial setback, her mother claimed Petunia would've gone mad if she hadn't got in. Times as these, Lily felt as if she and her father were the only sane ones in the family.

And with James, Lily succumbed eventually to her mother's demands and invited him home. He was more than thrilled at the notion and she couldn't help but find it endearing.

As the Hogwarts train stationed at the school, she and James boarded together, and the ride brought her a minor dose of peace. It was all a bit sad too as she realized her time at Hogwarts was no more and all her friends were now moving on to pursue their passions. The first time she was on this train, it'd been with a boy who'd been her closest friend and now she was going home for the last time without the person who'd become nothing more than a stranger.

The ride had also granted her sufficient time to mentally prepare herself for what awaited at home. Her father wasn't so excited about James and her mother was quite the opposite.

* * *

The train soon arrived at the station where her mother stood right outside the doors, waving in a frenzy when she caught sight of them among the crowd. "Lilian! Lilian, dear! Right over here!"

Lily took hold of James' hand and approached her. "Mother, we see you. You're making a scene."

Her mother's delicate arms wrapped themselves around her and she pecked her on the cheek lightly. "My Darling, he is striking." She whispered in her ear.

James stepped forward and introduced himself. "Hello, Miss Evans. I've been meaning to meet you for some time."

"Oh, you can call me Marjorie, my dear!" She said in delight and took his hand in hers. "And so have I."

"Where's my father?" Lily asked her.

"He's waiting out by the car, that old grump." She muttered. "Let me help you carry your bags for you."

Lily glanced at her bags. "Thank you, Mum, but I can handle these on my own."

"Lily, I wasn't speaking to you, Dear." Said Marjorie as she picked up one of James' duffel bags.

James only shrugged while Lily rolled her eyes at her mother's ridiculous behavior. When they walked out of the station and her father came into view, a grin spread over his face. He didn't look well, she noticed right away, and he felt far more fragile when she pulled him into an embrace. Lily gave her mother a worried look and made note to ask her father later in private.

On their way home, her mother boasted about Vernon, Petunia's new boyfriend, the entire ride and he already sounded unpleasant. His great grandfather founded a small drilling company in 1867 and like a crown being passed down, it was a tradition in the family for every son to be appointed director of Dursley Enterprises, qualified or not. So, it was safe to assume he was a bit comfortable.

"Try not to appear too intimidated when you meet him." Her mother warned, making Lily snort quietly in response. "I'll do my best, Mum."

* * *

Once home, they brought in their luggage and she gave James a quick tour of her childhood home. "My bedroom's upstairs. We should unpack." She said. She pulled out her wand and levitated the bags upstairs. "So, what do you think?"

"It's humble and welcoming." James said as he planted a short kiss on her lips. "I love it."

She shrugged her shoulders and laughed. "Well, it's most definitely not a condo in Kensington, but it's home."

Her mother appeared from the kitchen and slipped into an apron. "You two should go and settle in. I'm going to start dinner and I want no interruptions. Petunia should arrive any minute and I want you girls to behave yourselves, is that clear?" She said sternly.

Lily sighed softly. "Yes, Mum, very clear."

Lily tossed herself on her tiny bed while James watched in amusement. "Your parents are rather interesting."

"My mum's always like that." She said. "You'll adapt soon enough."

He laid on her bed beside her, his head resting on his palm as he looked down at her in endearment. "How were you born so bloody perfect?" He said, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear.

He leaned in to kiss her and she responded in kind until their breathing came in quick pants. In that moment, he tugged at the hem of her skirt, which then felt shorter than she remembered it being. She pushed him slightly away and broke their kiss.

"I'm sorry." She whispered. Lily hated leading him on, but their moments rarely felt right.

"I know." He said adjusting his glasses and straightening up. "Once we're married you won't be able to refuse me. I'll be quite a tempting husband."

"My, smug, are we? Who says you're the one I'm going to marry?" She teased as she sat up.

He laughed and kissed her palms. "If there's one thing I'm sure of, Lily, it's that you're going to be my wife. Since you hopped on the train in first year."

At that moment, she heard her sister's voice downstairs. She gave him a sympathetic look. "I should introduce you."

Dinner went everything but smoothly. Petunia, as always, slid into her customary disgusted attitude although the blush never left her face as James spoke to her.

"Vernon and I actually met at our normal school." She began, as soon as they settled in at the dining room table. "And our first date was awfully romantic. There were candles and wine, wasn't there, Bunny?" She said sweetly as she continued in long detail.

Vernon, nodding along, was well-nigh making love to the food on his plate. He was a chunky young man who seemed decent enough at first but was proving quite trying as the night progressed. "Petunia's told me much of your lot." He said randomly during tea to Lily and James. "Can you really do all this hocus pocus stuff?"

Lily hesitated and forced a polite smile.

"Yes, if you're referring to magic, but we mustn't handle it in front of a muggle I'm afraid. It's illegal." James answered first.

"Tunie shouldn't have even shared that with you." Lily shot daggers at Petunia, but she looked the other way. "That's _illegal _too."

"Muggle?" Vernon replied in amusement as Petunia chuckled behind him.

James cleared his throat. "It's a term meaning non-magic folk."

"Non-magic folk I see." He said with a cocky smile. "I suppose some of us just have it better in life then."

* * *

When the time came for Petunia and Vernon to leave, Lily took her aside discreetly. "Tunie, I know you've never cared much of what I think but you could do so much better than this bloke. You're beautiful, I'm sure you have other options. Vernon is plainly...unpleasant."

Her face broke in a bitter disbelief. "Your nerve still manages to astound me, Lily. Even now." She snarled and turned the doorknob to leave. "You're only angry he put you in your place back there. There are men who won't fall at your feet as soon as they see you, you know. Just because you've got Pretty Boy over there bowing to you night and day doesn't mean Vernon ever would."

Lily was taken aback. "Tunie, I've never said or implied anything like that."

"You've never taken my advice so no thank you, Sister, I don't need yours." Petunia snapped. "And don't call me Tunie! I fucking despise it." She stepped out the door and slammed it on Lily's face, the house shuddered slightly in response.

She was in disbelief. She knew her sister didn't like her, but this was something else. This was disdain. She staggered and tumbled on one of the sofas. She didn't even realize tears streamed down her face until she tasted them in her mouth, and it shocked her that in that moment, she thought of Severus. He was always there after a row with her sister even if Lily knew he himself couldn't stand her.

But she had James now to lean on. He'd listen to her too and that was enough. Or was it? She didn't know. When she returned to the living room in silent distress, her parents were sitting down unusually quiet next to a feverish James. Her mother appeared as if she'd burst into tears at any moment.

"For Merlin's sake! What's happened, Mum?" She asked, alarmed.

James kneaded a small black box in his hand. "Forgive me, it's been my doing. I've just asked your parents for their permission to marry you."

Lily's eyes widened as she looked from her sobbing mother to her smiling father and then finally James. "Pardon?"

He opened the box, revealing a small but enchanting sapphire ring. "What do you reckon, Evans?"

Her mind staggered and her tongue went rigid as she looked over the ring. She went silent too long; her mother felt the need to speak in her place. "Lily, stop this silliness at once and accept already!"

James laughed. "Marjorie, your poor daughter's in shock."

"I am but..." Lily shook her head. "Give me a little time to consider it, James."

He shut the box with one hand and placed it back in his pocket. "Oh. I see. Take all the time you need. I'll still love you whatever you decide, you know that."

"Thank you." She said as she scurried out of the house. Her mother attempted to follow after her, but her father gently held her back.

* * *

Marriage? They were only eighteen for Merlin's sake and on the verge of a bloody war! There were talks of Voldemort's rising power, but the Order of Phoenix was yet to be called upon by Dumbledore and a part of her hoped that he would never have to. Many more lives would be taken in this war's wake.

But even with their uncertain circumstances, she and James found themselves thinking of an ordinary future. They'd talk about it for hours on end and their dreams would get the better of them at times. James would write his book, they'd say, and she would get a job at Hogwarts like she'd always planned. At least attempt it anyway. And like that, they'd be each other's support. Never did she think it meant they'd have to get _married_.

She supposed it would make her mother happy. James was from a good family and, no doubt, had many prospects. Her mother almost fainted when she told her he was working on a novel. Tie it down now, she had said.

Lily found herself on the bank of the river nearby and kicked a pebble in frustration. She couldn't be out long as it was near dark and she had gotten a bit far from home. But, what would she say when she got back? She hadn't wanted to refuse him. He was so good to her so how could she possibly?

As the wind picked up, a hunched figure across the river stood out to her in the distance. She drew near and stumbled on her sneakers as she walked over the gravel for a closer look. She had known who lived on the other side and anticipated his presence.

Sure enough, she was right.

They still weren't on speaking terms, of course. So it was only natural for her to stand behind one of the trees and watch him as his eyes roamed over the soft flow of the stream. He looked miserable. There was a blue tint around one of his eyes and a knot formed in her throat. His father was still giving him trouble, it seemed. He looked nothing like he did at graduation, where he appeared all smiles and laughs with his friends. He huddled his legs closer to his chest and tossed a pebble in the river, sighing as he watched it skip through the water.

Something else bothered him. Although it was no longer her place to worry or ask, she couldn't help herself. She considered making her presence known, but a grim thought passed her mind. Perhaps he was a death eater, after all they never wasted any time after graduation to pledge themselves. She hesitated in walking away and took another glance at him.

But perhaps not.

She stepped out from behind the tree and took a few steps toward him. It didn't take long before he noticed her coming his way and he stilled instantly, almost in a threatened stance. She gave him a small wave but he didn't wave back. Instead, his eyes darkened and he stood to leave.

" Don't go!" The words left her mouth involuntarily.

He came to a standstill and waited for her next words. None came to mind but she shook off her shoes and slipped out of her socks. He gave her a weak laugh as she dipped her feet in the broad river between them, and she felt a gratifying sense of familiarity.

The water dampened the hems of her jeans as she sloshed across, shoes tightly clutched in her right hand. She looked up at him and shrugged her shoulders as he simply watched her.

"Lily!" She turned sharply in the direction of her name. James sprinted up the slope, towards her, deep furrows in his brow. "Darling, that water's filthy." He said as he laid eyes on her. "Get out at once."

"James, I- "She turned back to Severus but by that time he was already hurrying home. Of course, not before inflicting her one last glower as he disappeared into the trees.

"I was cooling my feet, it's nothing to get so worried about." She finally said.

James led her out of the water by hand as he overlooked the river. "Has this always been here?"

She nodded ruefully as she slipped on her shoes. "For as long as I can remember."

He made a grimace and muttered under his breath. "Bloody hazard...".

* * *

Never one for subtlety, James wasted no time in enquiring her on their way to her house. He took hold of her hand and pressed it to his lips, leaving them there for a moment before slipping the sapphire ring on her finger. "It looks beautiful on you, doesn't it? And it could be yours, Love."

Lily sprawled her fingers in front of her, admiring the beauty of it. The gem was much too elegant, much too expensive to look this silly on her hand. She breathed in deeply and looked up at James. "Why do you want to marry me, James?" She asked curtly.

He gave a soft laugh. "What?"

She sighed. "I seem to have a flair in making the people in my life absolutely loathe me. So why?"

He gripped her shoulders suddenly, forcing her to look up at him. "Tell me you didn't actually take seriously what that twat of a bloke said at dinner. Or your sister for that matter."

She shook her head. "I'm not ashamed of what we are, James. Not even Petunia's wrath could make me dismiss this life we have so simply." She shrugged off his grip and turned her back on him, hoping he wouldn't see her eyes. "But a sister is a sister and I can tell you with certainty, she used to love me. I remember."

His arms wrapped around her body from behind and his chin rested on her shoulder. "Marry me and I'll love you in her place. Together we can go anywhere. Somewhere far if you'd like."

Fully and irreversibly immersed in a blissful haze, she faced him once again and kissed him.

"Yes."

* * *

And leave they did. Seven years ago, and still it remained one of the best decisions of her life. She smiled faintly thinking of their house back home and yawned into her pillow.

It was late.

Her mind cleared and her eyes grew heavy and soon, she was gone.


End file.
